A Catholic priest stole $40,000 from his Pennsylvania church to feed his addiction to Mario Kart and Candy Crush while parishioners unknowingly funded his virtual racing and candy-crushing exploits.

At a Glance

• Father Lawrence Kozak embezzled $40,000 from St. Thomas More Church in Pottstown for online gaming addiction
• He used a parish credit card to make purchases in games like Mario Kart and Candy Crush
• Kozak blamed pandemic stress, his father’s death, and pain from a partial leg amputation
• Sentenced to 80 hours of community service and must write an apology letter to his congregation
• The priest is now on administrative leave and barred from any future financial duties

Holy Collection Plate Becomes Gaming Wallet

In a stunning display of ecclesiastical entitlement, Father Lawrence Kozak of St. Thomas More Church in Pottstown, Pennsylvania decided that your Sunday donations were better spent helping him unlock premium features in Mario Kart and Candy Crush than, say, feeding the poor or maintaining church property. The disgraced priest managed to siphon off $40,000 from church coffers to fund his digital addiction before an accountant reviewing the church’s finances in 2022 discovered the unholy withdrawals.

The “It Wasn’t My Fault” Defense

When confronted with his thievery, Kozak initially denied any wrongdoing – because apparently “Thou shalt not bear false witness” is as optional as “Thou shalt not steal” in his personal commandment hierarchy. Eventually, he admitted to his addiction but not before trotting out a laundry list of excuses that would make even the most forgiving parishioner raise an eyebrow. Pandemic stress, his father’s death, and chronic pain from a partial leg amputation after a 2016 car crash were all cited as reasons he decided to help himself to funds that faithful congregants believed were going to support their church community.

“I allowed my playing of games to get away from me, and due to lack of attentiveness failed in my responsibility to be vigilant over the administrative part of my responsibilities. I am deeply sorry for the pain and difficulty that was caused to the parishioners of St Thomas More. No matter what, I should have been more attentive, and in that sense I truly failed.” – Father Lawrence Kozak.

A Slap on the Wrist

For the crime of stealing $40,000 – an amount that would land most Americans in prison – Father Kozak received what can only be described as divine intervention from the justice system. His punishment? A mere 80 hours of community service and the arduous task of writing an apology letter to his former congregation. Meanwhile, countless Americans are serving years behind bars for stealing amounts far less than what this man of the cloth pilfered. The good father must be thanking his lucky stars that the justice system treats collar crimes with such remarkable leniency when the collar happens to be clerical.

Church Leadership’s Damage Control

The Archdiocese of Philadelphia has placed Kozak on administrative leave and barred him from financial responsibilities – a case of locking the stable door after the horse has bolted with $40,000 of collection plate money. This crisis of leadership raises serious questions about oversight within the Church. Were there no financial controls in place? How does a priest rack up tens of thousands in mobile game purchases without anyone noticing? And perhaps most importantly, why was Kozak promoted to pastor in 2020 if there were any red flags about his financial management?

“Father Kozak was placed on administrative leave by Archbishop Pérez in November of 2022. He has not resided at Saint Thomas More Parish and has not had an assignment in ministry since that time. That action was taken in response to serious concerns about Father Kozak’s suitability for ministry because of his mismanagement of the parish’s finances.” – a spokesman for the archdiocese of Philadelphia.

The Bigger Picture

While Father Kozak’s digital indulgences might seem almost comical – a priest obsessed with Mario Kart is certainly not the scandal most would expect from the Catholic Church these days – the fundamental breach of trust is no laughing matter. Parishioners give to their church with the expectation that their hard-earned money will further the mission of the church and help those in need, not fund a clergyman’s gaming habits or gifts for his niece. This case exemplifies yet another instance where those entrusted with moral leadership have failed spectacularly to live up to the very principles they preach from the pulpit.